WHAT I LEARNED FROM LOVING THE WRONG PERSON: 10 POWERFUL THINGS I LEARNED

Sarisha Naidoo
6 min readDec 12, 2021

Many of us go through life with one foot in front of the other, unsure where we are headed. We may be on a path that leads to happiness or despair. Sometimes it takes meeting the wrong person to learn what is right for you.
Love is one of the most powerful emotions that we experience in life. It has the power to make us feel invincible and on top of the world, but it has the ability to make us feel like our hearts are literally breaking into a million pieces.

Sometimes loving someone who does not deserve your love can result in an even more powerful lesson than if things had turned out differently. Here are 10 powerful lessons I learned from loving the wrong person:

Loving someone does not mean they will love you back

The heart wants what it wants and that is okay. You should never settle in a relationship with anyone but yourself. Loving someone does not mean they will love you back, sometimes we have to move on because the person we want doesn’t see us in their future even if we can feel ourselves becoming part of them. When this happens, you have to let them go. When things are not working out with your current person, do not sit around waiting for them to change their mind or be someone different-if this is not something that is going to happen then move on.
“ if you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, they were always yours. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with.” -”Love is not finding someone to live with; it’s finding someone you can’t live without.

Realizing that some people come into our lives just so we can grow as individuals

It is a nice way of saying that the person you loved was not your “right fit.” Some people come into our lives to teach us lessons, and as cliché, as it sounds, those who have been in my life taught me more than I thought. In fact, they are still teaching me today. The end goal is for both parties to walk away from the relationship with something learned or achieved. That does not mean that we do not love them anymore; instead, we should always be grateful for these relationships because without those things would not be where they are right now.
“Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. However long it was, be thankful for the gifts you received from them.”

You cannot always rely on others for happiness and self-love

One of the first lessons I learned from loving someone was that you cannot expect anyone to make you happy. And this becomes even more important when we’re talking about romantic relationships because there is a thin line between love and codependency.

Loving yourself means taking care of your own needs before trying to please another person or regardless if they are right or wrong for you. Self-care is not selfish regardless of what people think- it is necessary in order to live a fulfilling life. It may seem cheesy but thinking about why you deserve something good will help with the self-esteem issues many people face today, especially women who feel guilty about their need for independence.

You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness
This is something I had to learn the hard way. If someone cannot be happy with you, then they are not your problem. You are only responsible for your own happiness and theirs will come from that. You don’t have to feel guilty about making yourself happy either — whether it means loving yourself more than others or just appreciating what you do have in life rather than wishing things were different all the time.

Loving the wrong person teaches you how to find the right one

When you love the wrong person, it teaches you how to find someone who is right for you. Remember it takes a bad apple to recognize a good one. Learn to recognize what you need and want out of a relationship; because when someone loves you, they will give that back to you. If your partner is not giving their love or affection then it is time to move on. You do not have all day for games either; if he does not care about how much he hurts you; well by golly gee make him stop hurting. It may take some tough love but your self-esteem (and sanity) depends on it.

Do not stay in a relationship just because it is too hard to leave

I have learned that, sometimes, the only way to move on is by leaving. Do not make excuses and stay in a relationship just because it is too hard for you to leave. If your partner does not want to work things out with you and would rather break up with you instead of having an honest conversation then do not stick around trying to convince yourself that it will eventually get better.

Do not feel guilty about moving on from someone else’s mistakes

I have learned that no matter how much time we spend together or how many memories we create I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness and well-being. This means if after all this time they still cannot do their part as a partner then maybe they are not supposed to be there in your life.
I have learned that it does not matter how much time we spend together or the great memories we create, if someone is not willing to be there for me when times get tough then maybe they are not supposed to be in my life

It is okay to let go of people who hurt you

I have learned that letting others walk all over and mistreat us does not give them permission to do so tomorrow.
If someone hurts you once, do not let them convince you their behavior was an honest mistake and everything will change moving forward-because chances are high, it won’t. It can be scary trying new things but often times putting yourself out there means finding better company than what has been holding you down up until now.

I learned never to settle

I learned you should never settle no matter how difficult life gets or what others say about your situation. You do not know what they are going through in their lives, so stopping yourself from moving forward is simply wrong. You have to go with what your heart says and trust your gut. Even if it is not popular, follow the things that feel right in your life because they will lead you into a world of happiness.
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.

I learned how to love myself again

When I was going through my situation, one crucial thing kept me from continuing on the path down the depression road: loving myself. It sounds cliché but it is true. Loving yourself is difficult when someone else isn’t doing so, but once I started realizing who I am as a person and believing in all my strengths and weaknesses — well let’s just say everything changed for the better.
I am much more confident now than before when I was trying to please everyone around me by being “perfect.”

Conclusion
If you are struggling with a toxic relationship, there is hope. These 10 lessons from loving the wrong person can help guide your way out of unhealthy relationships and into new ones that are better for both parties involved.
I have learned from this experience that it is possible to love someone and still not be with them. That the wrong person can teach me so much about myself. And that if you are going through something hard right now know that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Originally published at https://www.navigatelifecoach.com on December 12, 2021.

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